Update & Check In #2 for 2018 Healthy Lifestyle Goals

Friday, October 12, 2018
This check in is a reality check.

I am living proof “life is a journey,” full of ups and downs along with plenty of twists and turns. I am beginning to realize that when it comes to my weight and my ongoing focus on keeping it in check I have thought I needed to live in a world where I achieved all my goals and lived in this perfectly balanced world where everything went smoothly and I would live happily every after. So not so.

There is no being perfect. Life throws us a lot of curve balls—from family issues to health issues to financial issues to natural disasters…you name it. For years when I would not meet my goals or go off the wagon I focused on forgiving myself my transgressions so I could pick myself up and go back at it again. I got exhausted from forgiving myself.

Then I started thinking…why do I have to forgive myself? The very nature of forgiving is that somehow you have done something wrong that needs forgiving…Do I really need to forgive myself for not being perfect? I think not.

What I don’t want to do is live a life of self-destruction that destroys my physical and mental health. There have been periods of time in my life when I got perilously close to harming myself through food. I weaponized my food. Yep, when life got really ugly I would gorge. It is horrifying to me today to think back on those times when I would buy a cake and eat it all in one sitting. I was quite literally swallowing my feelings and at times eating that whole cake was my way of suppressing a whole lot of anger, self-pity, frustration and a sense of powerlessness. Yuck.

Fortunately I am a survivor. And I do want to live life as my healthiest self. For me it took getting away from my family, right after college, and going to a far off land as a Peace Corps Volunteer to discover that I liked who I was and that I had a lot to offer the world. So much of my life up until then had been spent hearing quite the opposite.

So what I have learned is to listen to me, not others. It is better to acknowledge your feelings rather than repress them…or swallow them with food. And that the goal is not to forgive myself but instead to not give up or give in. Life is a journey. Every day really is a new day.

Life is an active sport. We have to get in there and play. It is about getting in there and participating and having fun with all the possibilities. That is why I like assessing where I am in my journey…not to chastise myself for my failures…but quite the opposite…to figure out how to add more fun in and do better at loving myself on my healthy lifestyle journey.

Where am I on my goals for 2018? Actively working on them!

Here are some photos to help tell the story…

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